Here you....FATSO!

Yeah the post title is a bit bizarre... but hey, bet you're wondering what I'm going to rant about now! Today's rant is brought to you thanks to an article posted on the Facebook page of our gym Revolution Fitness. I did call it 'our' gym, and I think the owner James would be ok with that, cos he's nothing without us former fatties :)

Here's the aforementioned article http://www.spectator.co.uk/columnists/rod-liddle/9055531/if-we-stop-stigmatising-fat-people-well-have-lots-more-of-them/

If you're too lazy to read it, the general message is that we should be mean to fat people and make them feel bad for being overweight in order to 'help' them with weight loss. Sure... making someone miserable and destroying their confidence is bound to help.. or not! 

And here's my response to the post: 

Ex fattie view here...Honestly doctors, parents or the media telling you you're a fat disgusting mess as recommended here isn't the way to go. If you're fat, you know you're fat. As much as it's as simple as eat less, move more to lose weight.. it's far more complex than that. I had bitchy comments in school, bullying, negative remarks from strangers... you name it. It didn't make me lose weight. It damaged my confidence, hurt me, made me reclusive and depressed. I ate more. I got bigger and bigger. The bigger I got, the more the comments and disgusted looks from people hurt me. I ate more. And so on... It's a vicious cycle and isn't as simple as stopping eating. I had a problem with food. I used it as a comfort for when things were tough. It was an unhealthy relationship which destroyed my confidence, self worth and my desire to recover from illness for a while...After all, I was just a fat mess, what had I got to offer?? I get what the article is saying but in my opinion, there needs to be a greater understanding of WHY someone is obese, and not make them feel any worse by calling them names cos rest assured they feel pretty low already.

My thoughts on this article remain the same.. I think it's irresponsible of the media to encourage bullying when suicide and depression is a serious problem in this country. The word bullying gets thrown around an awful lot, but it's fully justified in this situation. 

I was grossly overweight. I've told you the story. What I haven't told you is how it affected me, how I felt about it and how weight loss has changed me. 

I didn't wake up one morning at over 24 stone wearing a tent for jeans...When I was a kid, I was bigger than the other kids in my class, and whilst most people would have described it as puppy fat, I was conscious of it. I remember the first time it bothered me... I was probably about 8 and I didn't want to wear shorts to school cos my legs were bigger than the girls in my class. I'm not sure if someone had made a hurtful comment to make me feel like that, but my self esteem was an issue from an early age. 

When I started secondary school my insecurities worsened. I went to boarding school and open showers, changing in dorms and being surrounded by people who were noticeably slimmer than I was didn't help. I was horribly homesick, and food was my comfort I guess. When I'd go home, my mum would cook anything I wanted in a bid to cheer me up... a nice touch, but it didn't help! Another thing that didn't help was the fact that the canteen in our school clearly had no idea on nutrition... corn flakes for breakfast, pasta lunches and pizza/burgers and chips for tea. This type of diet became normal for me, and since I wasn't exactly fit I stopped playing sports and so my body issues continued. I've mentioned before about the college diet of rubbish food and cocktails that added to my misery. 

Nobody forced me to eat this way....but I had horrible habits I didn't know how to fix. I was embarrassed about my body and poor fitness so I'd never have joined a gym. 

I hated everything about myself... I wondered why people wanted to be friends, why a guy would look at me (other than it being to ask me out as a joke), I couldn't wear nice clothes, I assumed if anyone looked at me that they were thinking I was disgusting... I was miserable. I locked myself away, and again food was my comfort.

I've told you the reasons why I lost weight, and whilst I'm not saying that being slim or a certain dress size is the most important thing... for me, it was a huge leap towards building confidence and feeling better about myself. 

Getting to this point wasn't easy. I went through pretty big struggles with nutrition...eating the wrong foods which I thought were healthy, exercising to the point of serious exhaustion (we're talking about 2 gym sessions daily on very low calories), dealing with slow progress on the scales and micromanaging my diet and training. Once I found a way of eating that suited me, started training efficiently and relaxed, things started to fall into place. 

The numbers on the scales don't matter to me any more, it's the little things that thrill me... Here's a few things that most people take for granted that I'm only experiencing now...

• I bought my first ever pair of River Island jeans recently (nothing would ever fit me in there)... 8 sizes smaller than when I started this journey.
• A friend treated my to a pair of Carvela knee high boots... proud moment for sure... I couldn't get boots to fit before...
• I'm finally in a place where I'd be 100% comfortable starting a proper grown up relationship! I was always so body conscious and lacking self confidence that it always damaged previous relationships..
• I'm actually happy. 

They're major successes for me, and I take incredible pride in them. I haven't shared them to brag or boast... I want people to stop and realise that little things like not being able to shop in certain shops or wear certain clothes or look at yourself in the mirror all come with the territory of being seriously obese. They're the minor things... let's not forget depression, isolation, loneliness and low self esteem... 

That's a horrible place to be, and until a person is ready to make changes to their lifestyle for the right reasons, then they shouldn't be subjected to name calling and ridicule. 

For anyone interested in being proactive in changing your life ...you should absolutely read the excellent tips written by Sarah & James from The Better Life Project 

My fitness revolution....

An awful lot of people have read my post 'Bigger isn't always better', and the main question I need to address is, "How did you lose all that weight???"

I warned you before, I don't have all the answers, or a quick fix to help you drop a dress size in ten minutes... but I do have a really simple formula that I promise will work... 

EAT LESS + MOVE MORE = DROP BODY FAT + LOOK GREAT + FEEL FABULOUS 

Simple right? So why did I never do it before? Why are you not doing it right now?

Motivation

I didn't/ you don't want it badly enough...When I decided, I was going to do it; I never looked back. For me, it was the realisation that life is really short, and that my weight was not only damaging my enjoyment of life, it could actually be the cause of a far shorter life than I wanted for myself. 

Like most people, I started out losing weight by cutting out the obvious things...chocolate, pizza, crisps etc, and by doing the obvious exercise... walking aimlessly on a treadmill. It worked. I lost weight. 

Initially the weight loss was pretty effortless, all I needed to do was not eat crap. Simple. My body was so conditioned to eating all the wrong foods, that once I started eating 'healthy'* food, the scales started to drop immediately. I became an avid gym goer for two main reasons. Firstly, I wanted to see results faster, and secondly, I had to get away from being sick; I needed something to distract me... to help boost my mood and energy levels, to get my out of the house, and most importantly, to help me feel like I was taking positive steps towards restoring my health. 

After a year or so, I had lost over 9 stone...fantastic right? You'd think I'd have been thrilled... to a point, I was. But..I wanted more...I still had weight to lose, I still had my eye on a particular dress size, I still didn't feel happy with myself. 

Lack of progress

I hit a wall. The scales stopped moving...this was going to be a real issue for me. It was the weekly movement of the scales that had kept me motivated so far. I was still eating 'healthy'* food, and going to the gym... what had gone wrong? 

'Healthy' crap food

You might be wondering why I've been referring to 'healthy'* food... Well, it turns out that I was actually still eating crap food, the only difference was that the fancy packaging and marketing campaigns were telling me that it was 'healthy'! Like a lot of people, I never really considered that Special K isn't actually healthy, or that Weight Watchers bread wasn't good for you, or that low fat yogurts weren't the better option. 

Educate yourself

I spent a lot of time on the internet looking into why my weight loss had stalled...it turned out that whilst I was eating a low fat diet, I was consuming an awful lot of sugar without even realising it. Like a lot of people, I had always thought that a low fat diet was the way to go for weight loss. Consider this...food producers remove the fat but what do you think they replace it with? Short answer... sugar. Check out this video, read this book, visit this website and you'll most likely change your opinion of how clean your diet is. 

Real food

I decided that unprocessed, whole foods were the way to go. For some reason, it just suddenly made sense to me. If I was going to heal my body, and fuel it with food... why not make it the best food I could. Now my diet is fresh meat, vegetables, fruit and nuts. That sounds restrictive, but it's really not. I'll show you that if you promise to stick around and keep reading for a while longer... 

The most difficult thing to get your head around is that you're basically going against everything that you've been told about nutrition in the past... basically fat is the devil, you'll have no energy without bread and potatoes etc etc. I promise you.. take a look at both Paleo and Primal and you'll see that eating real food is how you'll see real results. I jump between Paleo and Primal... it doesn't really matter, my focus is on eating good food that will not harm my health. 

Starvation diet...

So my diet was clean... I still wasn't losing weight.. This was driving me to despair. Weight loss is meant to be as simple as consuming less calories than you're burning, and therefore arriving at a calorie deficit. Wrong again...I wasn't eating enough, and my body was hanging onto the fat. How the hell did that happen?! 

I had become so frustrated with what I perceived to be a lack of progress (lack of weight loss), that I reduced my food intake to ridiculously low levels, and increased my gym activity. When I started to eat real food, I was so used to eating very little, that I worried any increase in calorie consumption would cause weight gain. 

Lifestyle overhaul part 2..

I had focussed on cardio training for the first year, and had seen great results which as I mentioned had stalled. A lot of the Paleo/Primal sites I frequented recommended strength training...I wasn't convinced... 

• 'lifting weights is boring'
•  'you need cardio exercise to be fit'
•  'lifting weights makes girls get big and muscular'
•  'I've no idea how to lift weights'

All of these concerns were popping into my head, but I knew that training hard, eating little and seeing no results wasn't sustainable. It was likely that I'd return to former bad habits, and I really didn't want that. 

My fitness revolution...

I booked a few sessions with a personal trainer, but didn't feel like he had much interest or passion in his job, so I didn't feel motivated by him at all. It was then I decided I was going to do it right... I had developed a taste for lifting weights, and I wanted to push it further. I got in contact with James Hanley of Revolution Fitness and straight away knew that I'd found a trainer who could help me get results. You'll find lots of into about James on his Facebook page (link above) and website. I'm not here to sell RevFit, or James to you, I'm trying to show you that sometimes it takes a a few tries to reach our goals, but with the right people around you, you will get there. I've found a gym that I love training in, with members who genuinely care about health and fitness rather than quick fixes, and a trainer who left a desk job to help people achieve their goals. 

RevFit isn't a commercial gym who don't care if you show up after your membership fee is paid. Honestly, I think it's got something special...trainers who are accountable for your results, and members who push each other through every training session.

The best description I've heard so far is ripped straight from a RevFit email which quoted Gar as saying "People ask me about how we train. So I tell them we lift really heavy things, then we lift not so heavy things, then we lift ourselves (usually really fast)".

I eat lots, train hard a few times a week and am shocked by the results I've seen. Sometimes it takes a while for it to make sense, but once you find the right balance between nutrition and training, you'll never look back.

I can't give RevFit all the credit for my results. James is a reasonable guy, so he wouldn't expect me to. I've had to work seriously hard, throw myself into every session and commit to good nutrition. BUT... and this is really important, James has shown me how to train properly, effectively and safely. I'm really strong these days, but what's more important than the numbers, is that I don't injure myself. I need James to slow me down sometimes, and remind me that good form and technique is non negotiable. For me, this is one of the key things to look for in a trainer.... someone who looks out for you, and stops you being an idiot and destroying yourself.

Finding RevFit was a game changer for me. I've learned, and continue to learn so much from the trainers and members, that I couldn't see myself training anywhere else.

What I've learned about nutrition and training...

• You need to eat to lose weight.When I finally listened, and started eating a decent amount of real food, I started to see progress again.
• Healthy food doesn't come in a brightly packaged box, or have a marketing slogan behind it.
• If your nutrition isn't right, all the training in the world won't get you your desired results.You can't out-train a bad diet. 
• Food is your body's fuel. You wouldn't put crap petrol in your car now would you? 
• Commit to your training... make it part of your routine. Don't loiter in the gym... 45 minutes of pushing yourself, and get out. Go have a life... 
• Overtraining will destroy your body. I was putting in ridiculous hours in the gym and seeing no benefits, just constant fatigue. 
• Lifting weights does not make you big and bulky, it makes you strong, and with physical strength comes mental strength. 
• Experiment with your food.. if you enjoy it, you're less likely to want to eat crap. 
• Enjoy training. Find something you like doing. Find a trainer who understands your goals and will help you get there. Be honest with them about your hang ups, bad habits and make them earn their money by helping you.. 
• Sleep. You need sleep allow your body to recover. 

Shifting the goal posts... 

I'm constantly adding to my 'to-do' list. My goals and constantly changing, and as I achieve one, I add another. 

When I started losing weight, my goal was to be 'skinny'. That's what was important. Things change... I've no desire be 'skinny'... and that's not an excuse for me not being at my goal weight yet (cos I'll get there) that's me saying, that once I'm healthy, fit and strong, I honestly don't care what number is on the scales or a dress.

Don't forget...

EAT LESS + MOVE MORE = DROP BODY FAT + LOOK GREAT + FEEL FABULOUS 

Paleo and I...

I've mentioned "Paleo" a lot in my previous posts, I'm a little surprised at that since I really don't like the label. When people realise you follow a Paleo lifestyle, a lot of people aren't really sure what it involves, and assume it's a fad diet that's trendy at the moment. For me, it's far more important that what I eat and drink doesn't harm my body, rather than obsessing over whether or not it comes under a strict Paleo protocol. For that reason, I'm flexible with my food, and will lean towards Primal sometimes... I like cheese sometimes ok???? It doesn't cause me any allergies etc, so I'm not going to live a life of deprivation! I do try to go for raw milk cheese where possible though... keep it as wholesome as possible :) 

I fell into this lifestyle accidently if I'm honest. I touched on my background briefly in my first post.. I've been through chemotherapy, radiation, countless surgeries (seriously, I have lost count), blood transfusions, hair loss, a bottomless bottle of tablets that just keeps on throwing more medication at me and  more needles than a needle exchange programme. Long story short, I've been pretty ill. There have been days where I've felt too sick to get up, to exhausted to carry on, and then the days where I physically haven't been able to stand up. Those days are the worst. My legs don't work sometimes. That's devastating, not just to me, but to those around me who have no idea how to help. Thankfully, those days are in the minority. 

25 May 2011 I decided that I was going to change things. I had been overweight for as long as I could remember, but things had gotten out of control. I'd love to blame the medication for weight gain, but in truth it was laziness and eating too much of the wrong food. I changed my diet, opting for animal protein, vegetables, naturally occurring high quality fat sources and some fruit. I didn't even realise I had switched to a Paleo lifestyle... to me, I was just eating good quality food. Keep it simple... eat meat, vegetables, nuts and fruit. That's not so hard right? 

I was amazed at the changes I saw in myself. 

Weight loss

Seeing the scales going down, and my clothes getting looser was a huge motivator to keep going. The best thing of all... there was no paying someone to weigh me, being told what to eat or calorie counting. Eating clean and sensibly, is never going to make you fat.

Increased energy levels

I had more energy, and I wasn't eating a carb loaded diet???? But doesn't the food pyramid say I should fill my body with bread and pasta?? Guess what, the food pyramid is WRONG. The human body doesn't need all those carbohydrates we've been told (by the food industry) that we need to survive. Lower carb intake means less glucose in our body, so guess what... our body burns fat for energy. How can that be a bad thing? AND you'll have sustained energy levels throughout the day, none of this 3pm carb crashing that has you reaching for a Mars bar...

Improved mood

I touched on this before... I was seriously depressed for a while. Don't ask if it was my weight, my illness or other stuff... it was most likely a combination of things. Clean food definitely helps your mood. I think I'm a far more pleasant person to be around these days.. (I can hear some people sniggering from here... shut up!) Don't forget the insane PMS behaviour.. sugar causes a spike in insulin levels, and then a sharp drop, this affects our mood and may turn us into scary scary hormonal people that nobody wants to be around... 

Better skin

I suffered with eczema and psoriasis from my mid teens (albeit mind cases of both). I'm not kidding... I don't even own any pots of potions for either skin condition these days. If you eat crap, you're never going to look great!

And the big one for me... 

Being sick was taking over my life, and it was taking away from my life. I couldn't do things I wanted to do because of a compromised immune system...going shopping would be taking a risk. I couldn't go out with friends because I was too exhausted.

None of that actually really matters when you're faced with far bigger struggles...These are the things that nobody ever wants to hear... 

• "Chemotherapy & radiation haven't worked as well as we hoped"
• "Surgery didn't get all the tumour because it was too risky" 
• "Your blood pressure is too low, it would be too dangerous to give you a general anaesthetic so we'll just give you a local anaesthetic instead"...Holy crap!!
• "Your hair is going to fall out" 
• "Let's try Cryotherapy on your brain"....ouchie!!!
• "I can't guarantee you'll get the use of your leg/arm back again"..

And the list goes on... I think the worst part of all of that, was the sound of them saying my weight may have been a factor in my illness. Had I brought this on myself??? If I had, I was going to do whatever it took to fix it... 

I now realise, that whilst my weight probably didn't help, it's all too easy for doctors to focus on one factor and place blame. I focussed on that for so long, and became so determined to lose weight, that when I did, and I wasn't miraculously cured, I was disappointed. I had set myself up for a fall.. "I lost all this weight, and it didn't make a difference... I'm still not well" was the overriding thought. 

I was wrong... 

• Eating whole foods boosted my immune system; I got far less infections and colds during my treatment than other people, and as a result, treatment didn't need to be interrupted to allow me build up my energy. 
• While I can't deny that my energy levels dipped during treatment cycles, I was always able to get up and do a little bit of activity to maintain my energy. Sounds mad right?? I still went to the gym, and I always felt better afterwards. My mood improved, energy levels improved, and I got out of the house.  
• My mood was so much better when I ate well, and as a result, I was far better equipped to deal with day to day struggles and keep focussed on what mattered. 
• I've lost half my body weight... that's incredible, and I am so proud of that achievement. 
• I'm almost done with all the horrible treatments *fingers crossed*

Did I mention that I was wrong?? 

Oh and did I mention that I've also got Multiple Sclerosis and a blood disorder that will never go away? Yeah that sucks... boo hoo etc etc 

I can't control them, I can however be as healthy and fit as possible to make sure I am better equipped to get over any of the barriers they put in my way. I have consistently ignored medical 'experts' and dieticians telling me to follow the food pyramid, and I've seen incredible results. These medical 'experts' have consistently refused to acknowledge that my nutrition and training are in any way linked to an improvement in my health. One doctor in particular told me (referring to Paleo) that "No amount of hippy fad diets will keep me from a wheelchair". You know what? Fuck him. I'm sorry, but that's as succinct as I can be when it comes to summing up my feelings towards him.   

Fitness is hugely important as a compliment to good nutrition for overall health. I'm fitter, and stronger than I could ever have imagined when I started training.... but I'll ramble more about that later, since it's become a huge part of my life. 

Long story short...stop eating crap! Give the Paleo lifestyle 30 days, and then make your own decision...

No more excuses...

Do you find you always have an excuse? “I can’t go training, I’m too tired”, “I can’t eat healthy food, I’m too busy to cook”, “I can’t lose weight, being overweight runs in my family”, “I hate my job, but am worried I’ll fail if I try something new” and the list goes on… If you’re someone who always has an excuse for not doing the things you really want, or being the person you want to be, then you’re probably reading the wrong blog. I don’t believe in excuses; I believe in getting things done and setting small goals to make your life the best it can be. On the other hand, maybe you’re in exactly the right place, and by reading about my experiences, you can take small steps to improve your life…

I should probably tell you a little about me…I’m 26, living in Dublin, and the past few years have been tough to say the least. I’ve battled through chronic illness (I’ll share more later), depression and being morbidly obese. I guess it’s true to say that what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. I made a decision 2 years ago, that I was going to change my life, and I have. I’m still working towards my goals, but I am immensely proud of my achievements to date.

I’m still struggling with illness, but am incredibly strong and have great support so I’ll overcome whatever hurdles I’m faced with.

I’ve shed over half my body weight in the past 26 months (I promise before and after pics are coming…it’s worth sticking around just for this!) I genuinely think this has provided me with the greatest learning experience I’ll ever have in life, and I’d love if I could help others take steps to make positive changes for their health.

• I never realised how overweight I was. I avoided the scales, so genuinely had no clue what weight I was (I’ll share this later… can’t be giving all my secrets away just yet).
• I ignored the labels on clothes, convincing myself that sizes were getting smaller, not that I was getting bigger.
• I wore heels all the time, thinking if I looked taller that it would disguise my weight.
• I avoided getting in photos.
• I had to wear make up to feel better about myself.
• The lights would make me sweat, I didn’t even need to be moving!
• I had zero energy, and would avoid socialising that would require any physical exertion.
• People made comments about my size when I’d walk by, some whispering, and some out loud to deliberately hurt me.
• If someone looked my direction, I’d assume they were judging me for how I looked.
• I wasn’t honest with myself about how I felt, and was embarrassed.
• I didn’t know how to change things, I had terrible eating habits I didn’t know how to break and I thought if I went to the gym, people would laugh at the fat girl drowning in sweat on the treadmill…

If you can identify with any of the above, then I can definitely help you… (Whilst you might think I was naive etc, I was actually depressed and in denial)

People make snap judgements of those who are overweight, or different to themselves. If you take anything away from this post, please realise that everyone has feelings, and one thoughtless, off-the-cuff comment from you could be crushing to someone…

I stopped making excuses. I decided I wanted to wear nice clothes; not to be ashamed to look at myself; to be fit, active and enjoy life; and most of all, I wanted to feel confident and happy again. Nobody else could do this for me.

I kept things simple, I threw out all the rubbish food in my house, went shopping for fresh whole foods, joined a gym and promised myself that I would achieve my goals.

The first steps are the hardest. I heard someone say recently “It’s far easier to quit at the beginning, than at the end”. This is so true! Walking into the gym changing room, and stepping on the scales was terrifying, but had to be done. I burst into tears. I could have walked straight back out the door, and gone back to the comfort of the sofa and food, but I didn’t. I took a deep breath, and swore I’d take it one day at a time.

I love cooking, and found myself really enjoying cooking sensible portions of healthy food rather than mountains of processed ‘food’. Every day I went to the gym felt like a little victory. I made tiny changes like using the stairs and parking in furthest corner of the carpark. These little changes made a huge difference. I was shocked that healthy food tasted great, and I wasn’t hungry ten minutes after a meal.

After 7 days, I stepped on the scales and had lost 4lb. I was so proud of myself, and that little victory, motivated me for the next 7 days. I knew on day 7, that I could do it.

I’m now half the size I was, have found my confidence, eat great food inspired by the Paleo lifestyle, love training and couldn’t imagine ever going back to my old habits. The key for me, was taking things step by step, and most importantly, doing it for me.

I plan to use this blog to highlight my struggles and victories… Since I love to cook and bake, expect some foodie posts… good food doesn’t have to just come in the form of boring salads right?!

So no more excuses..decide what it is that you want out of life, and make it happen...